Basically this is me…

What doesn't kill you DEFINITELY makes you stronger

I’m not broken, I’m healing…

on August 17, 2016

I’ve just got home from another half week at work and it’s been rough and a contentious phone call actually made me cry. 

I didn’t cry on the phone, thank god. But after I got off, I broke down. After spending about 10 minutes sobbing in the loo and calming myself down. I knew I had to speak to someone about how I felt. My manager is on Annual Leave so I went to the other manager. I broke down again and she took me into an office and talked to me for a good hour and calmed me down. 

I explained what had happened, which really doesn’t need to be discussed on here. I explained that before my illness and prolonged time off work I could of dealt with a call like that no problem. However since being so sick and coming back to work I feel broken, worthless and basically really crap at my job. She told me that I wasn’t broken, I was still healing. That they are lucky to have me and that I am doing a really good job. She said we are all human and all of us at some point have had moments that make us break. 

She also said that I should celebrate every week I am work and see it as a huge accomplishment. I am dealing with a chronic illness AND I’m still getting to work and doing my job.

Her words were like a hug I so desperately needed, she was so caring and wanted to make sure I left the office in a much better state then when I entered. she also made me think of everything I have achieved in the 5 months Since I’ve returned to work. It also reminded me of what my lovely twitter Jen spoke about in the week. She said she remembered speaking to me last year about how terrified I was about going back to work after almost 8 months off and how well I am doing now. She also called me super duper which I approve of 😍.

There are going to be hard days, but I have overcome so much and I will never give up. I just really need to stop being so hard on myself. I am my worse enemy and it needs to stop. I need to treat myself the way I would treat my friends!  I’m a fighter and I always will be, but I need to be a bit softer on myself and give myself the chance it needs to heal. My confidence will return and I will feel like me again.

I will always have this chronic illness and I will have to battle it everyday but it does not define me.           I am worth more than my illness. 

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2 responses to “I’m not broken, I’m healing…

  1. Emilie says:

    I’ve been (silently) following you for a very long time now, and the thing I love the most about your blog is that whatever how many bad times you went through, your positive side always takes over. That’s also what I like about writing in general. It helps putting your thoughts and feelings in order, which I think is essential in finding and developing positive thoughts. Anyway, life is full of struggles, as well as big and small victories. Yours are sometimes brutally honest and heartfelt ones, but you write things as they are. I don’t know you and couldn’t name your chronic illness, but as far as the writing is concerned, I can feel that you are definitely yourself through your words.

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