Basically this is me…

What doesn't kill you DEFINITELY makes you stronger

Race for Life 💞

So I did it!

On Sunday I completed the Leicester Race for Life and I’m so proud of myself.

I’ve gone from being unable to walk long distances and having to use a wheelchair to walking a 5k in 4 months!

I struggled, I’m not going to lie. I nearly passed out at 3k, my sugar completely dropped and I struggled to focus my sight. It was really scary but I thought quickly and remembered that there was a sweet truck and I phoned my husband and he ran over to me with lots of marshmallows and milk bottles. After a rest, I was able to complete the rest of the walk with my husband and friend supporting me.

I will say though it was slightly worrying that I was sitting on the side of the course for a good 20 minutes and not one volunteer, first aider or organiser came to check on me. It’s a good job I wasn’t on my own and I had my friend and later on my husband supporting me.

However staying positive- I did it and I’m so grateful for my hubby and friend getting me through the last 2K.

I did this for Margaret and in her memory I’m proud to say I’ve raised over £300!

Here are some pictures from my day 💞💞💞



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March Favourites

I have a habit of being negative and even though March has been a rough month. It has also been a pretty awesome one.

So to celebrate this fact, at the end of every month I am going to write about my favourite things that have happened and stop being so miserable all the time!


I restarted my blog!!! and I’ve loved ever minute of it. I am loving writing again and I have many posts planned in the future. I am also very grateful for all the responses and support I have received since I have started writing again.



I have been working on my 16 in 16 goals and I have PASSED MY THEORY TEST!!!! So happy that I passed and my driving instructor has told me that he is happy for me to book my practical test! It is all happening 🙂


Spending Time with my Friends 

I have been lucky this month to have had lots of catch up with my friends. Earlier this month my uni friends came up to stay and we had a fabulous weekend.

Last weekend I was apart of a tweet up where we went to the harry potter experience in Watford and then for food afterwards. Was lovely meeting up with the girls who I have been speaking to on twitter and my lovely husband came with me to look after me and due to being in a lot of pain and not feeling great I ended up having to be push in a wheelchair around the experience. So grateful he was there for me.


Didn’t matter how hard I pushed they wouldn’t let me into Hogwarts!

I went to the cinema on my own

A strange thing to put on my March favourite list but I really enjoyed doing this. I really wanted to see Allegiant but had no one to go with. I had been feeling really rough all week and cabin fever was setting in, so I decided to go on my own.

I have always thought it be weird to go on my own, but it was actually fun and I got to see the film and rebuild my confidence after my relapse.

The film unfortunately was a bit of a let down. I enjoyed it and the experience however it was a filler film. But I got out of the house and am looking forward to going on my own again.



I do like reading a book and after replacing my broken tablet with a Kindle Fire I was having a sort out and found an author called E.M Tippetts.

The first book is called Someone Else’s fairytale and it is free on Amazon Kindle.

The story is about a Student with a dark history called Chloe and a movie star called Jason. I read the first book in a day and ended up buying the other books in the series as I loved them so much.



The Happiness Planner

I am a big fan of Zoella, I can quite happily spend a morning watching her vlogs and last month she spoke about the happiness planner. I have been after something like this for a while, where I can actively be positive and see the goodness in my life. When I saw her review I knew I had to get one.


If you are interested in having a look yourself, here is a link to their website

I am hoping this will help me in my quest to become more positive and see the goodness in my life.

My last favourite experience of this month has got to be The Donkey Sanctuary in Sutton Park. When I met up with my Nan last week, I asked if she would like to come with me and we had great fun seeing all the Donkeys.



So they have been my favourite things about March – What were yours???

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Making Hard Decisions



For over a year, my life has been wrecked by my body. As discussed in a previous post, I have been diagnosed with Bile Acid Malabsorption. Due to how sick I have been I have had a lot of time off work.

I had 7.5 months off work last year and I have been off sick since the end of January after a nasty relapse. My return to work in November was a disaster and I struggled to do my work and manage my symptoms. Since being on long term sick again I had to really think about what my body could handle mentally and physically. After speaking to my husband I knew going back wouldn’t be an option unless I went part time.

While all this was happening, I received a letter from my manager and HR asking that I attend an absence management meeting. On the day of the meeting, my stomach decided to give me hell and I wasn’t able to go. When I called to rearrange the meeting I was informed that my work were going to start the process of retiring me due to ill health.

I was flabbergasted and as you could probably gather in a state of shock. I just kept thinking i’m 30, i’m 30!!! The meeting was rearranged and I spoke to my union rep at length. This was on a Friday and the meeting wouldn’t be until the next Wednesday. I was a wreck, however luckily I had plans to do a tweet up with some twitter friends at the Harry Potter Experience in Watford and then I was spending a couple of days back home with my friends and family so it gave me a very good distraction until my meeting.

I went to my meeting and it was decided very early on that my illness wasn’t severe enough for it to retire me. I was glad about this as I am not ready to give up yet.

It was agreed that I could work part time. I was hoping to do 3 days a week, however they could only give me 2 and a half days a week.

In terms of my job, I was given three choices.

  1. Stay in current role- I knew this wouldn’t be an option as it is too much stress and my body wouldn’t be able to cope.
  2. Go for redeployment- however if after 4/6 weeks if I couldn’t find a suitable position I would lose my job due to ill health.
  3. Take a demotion, paycut and take on another role.

I have spent the last week going through every possible option, pros and cons, working out how it will affect our finances.

After speaking to my husband, family and friends for advice and making many many lists, I have decided to take the demotion. I need to put my health first. This way I can recover, get use to working again and hopefully have less stress in my life.

I am a big believer that things happen for a reason and there is a reason that this has happened. I have to keep reminding myself that this is a short term solution for a long term problem and I am really grateful to my work for supporting me.

I start my new job tomorrow and hopefully I will continue to improve and be able to gradually get my life back together.

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The Man in the Park



On Tuesday I had a review at my doctors. My doctors is based at the edge of Victoria Park which is located next to my old University, University of Leicester.

Like usual I was running late, not feeling very well and wanted to be anywhere but there.

Had my review, given more medication, was signed off and told to come back in two weeks time. I left feeling fed up, tired and really low about myself and my condition. I wasn’t paying attention to what was going on and was stressing about having to tell work that I am still signed off. Generally I was feeling really let down in myself.

I called my taxi and started walking towards the exit, this is when I noticed a man in a wheelchair, he wasn’t moving, he was looking around and looked so cold and confused. I also saw five other people walk right past him and pretend that he wasn’t there -Which I think is bloody appalling.

Once I got near to him, I asked him if he was OK. What I wasn’t expecting was how much his answer would affect me.

He told me he was fine and that he was on the way to the doctors for an appointment. However he had left his house early so he could enjoy being outside. He told me that he had been in hospital for 5 weeks and been discharged to temporary housing across the road from the park. He spoke to me about how beautiful the park was and how horrible winter had been and he was enjoying the sunshine.

I didn’t see it this way, I just decided that it was a miserable grey day and seeing the park through this man’s eyes completely changed my mind. This conversation made realise that I need to do the following more often.

stop look listen

I was so in my own head, I wasn’t living in the moment. With my illness, I am the first one to admit I go negative very quickly. However speaking to this gentlemen snapped me out of it and made me realise I really should appreciate the things I do have and not go negative straight away.

When I looked around the park, I saw how green it was, that even though the sky was grey there was sunshine shifting through. Without our conversation, I would of just thought how rubbish the day had been.

Unfortunately my taxi arrived so I had to leave. But this lovely man thanked me for speaking to him and shook my hand. I saw him leave to go to the doctors so I knew he was going to be OK.

Such a small thing to happen to me this week, however it has definitely stuck with me.



I have loved this saying for so long, I actually have it written on a piece of paper which I have put next to my bed to remind me. Need to pay more attention in the moment and stop worrying so much over the future.



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Coming to terms with the P word


I know a random way to start a blog post, but I will explain.

In the past year I have been diagnosised with a condition called Bile Acid Malabsorption

Bile Acid Malabsorption is defined “as a cause of chronic diarrhea, with the patient having their bowels open several times a day”

This lovely definition doesn’t add the pain, the exhaustion, the fatigue, the malnutrition, the fear and the hopelessness that comes with this illness.

It doesn’t add that it took 5 months for a diagnosis, the 3 months I worked without knowing what was going on, was scared to eat, wasn’t sleeping and was turning up to work 2 hours late as I couldn’t get of the toilet. The 3 months I was bed bound as I was so ill, the 7.5 months I had off work as this illness destroyed me or the recent 5 weeks I have had off work since January due to a severe relapse.

It doesn’t talk about the 20 plus tablets I have to take a day to try and control the illness. Which on most occasions doesn’t work.



It doesn’t talk about how after a severe ‘episode’ my husband would have to meet me at the bathroom and pretty much carry me back to the bedroom as I was in so much pain I could barely walk.

The cancelled plans, the friends who think you are a bore or the effect it has on you psychologically.

This is an illness I will always have. The medication shown above, I will be on most of it for the rest of my life. I am now dairy free, gluten free (ish) and rarely drink alcohol. Sometimes I struggle to walk, struggle to leave the house and struggle to see the goodness in my life.

And the main thing that really annoys me, is after everything I’ve been through I still struggle to say POO!!! I go red, I get embarrassed. I have sat in front of my consultant, who deals with this EVERYDAY and said I still got to the toilet often! WTF!!! what is it about saying Poo or diarrhea that makes me want to curl up into a little ball and die!

I would like to say, I have got better with saying it and it is due to the lovely lady Sam Cleasby. If you don’t follow her blog you should! Sam has been diagnosed with IBD and even though we have different illnesses her strength, her courage and her openness with her illness have really helped me cope. When my health deteriorated so quickly last year, she had written a blog post about using a disabled toilet that went viral. She was the voice I needed to hear and I have followed her blog since. If you read this Sam- I just want to say Thank you so much. You have kept me sane the last year and you are awesome!

I was also lucky as I found a wonderful support group on Facebook. Anyone reading this who has been recently diagnosed with BAM – sign up now! www://

My experience has shown that doctors do not have enough knowledge of this illness and it is not well known. Finding this group has been wonderful as I can ask them all the random question I have running in my head, If I am scared, or low or confused, there is always someone online I can speak too.

So there you go, That is me.

I hope that this post will help anyone else who is ill, not just with my condition but any condition. Chronic Illness is horrendous and having an invisible illness makes you feel so alone. In the last year I have been discriminated against so many times as people do not understand what I am going though so if I can end this post with one thought it would be this- Be Kind Always.

be kind

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